One commenter just told me that removing my research is "disappointingly Jewey." I suppose I was supposed to take that as an insult since I oppose Zionism and often expose the role Israelis play in rebuilding America under communitarian community leadership. Their obvious assumption is that only a Jew would try to make money off their work... and I find that hilarious. But it does get to the heart of the issue, one that has plagued me since I started my research in 1999... eleven years ago.
For almost a decade I was willing to be an unpaid servant for "freedom." I was more voluntarily communitarian in my actions than any communitarian writer or thinker I oppose. I believed it was my duty and obligation to share my research with the world. I believed sharing what I know was more important than the money I stopped making because I spent all my time researching, or the respect I lost from almost everyone I knew because I wasn't making any money. I believed that sharing what I know was more important than any of my own personal needs or comforts. I was willing to die if I had to... it was that important to me.
So when I lost my home and became homeless in January 2002, and spent my first winter in a tent writing time lines for the Dawson attorneys, I barely noticed that I almost starved to death. Had it not been for my friend Patty Flanary insisting I come stay with her in April, I would have. From the beginning I made the ACL my first priority and dragged Nordica into it. Every time she quit helping, I forced her to help me again. I could never have built the ACL myself, I'm not a web designer or master, and the fact that she was only 14 years old when we started the ACL research made it almost child abuse.
When I started blogging about my tent lifestyle in 2006, I got quite a few donations from readers who felt I deserved it. But over the last couple years donations trickled down to zero. So by the time I lost my front teeth and broke my glasses... I had no way to replace them. I put my name on everything I wrote, so even if I had teeth and could see, any potential employer can find my name along with all the rude comments about me being a wacko conspiracy theorist, and it's no surprise I don't get any responses to resumes I send out for jobs. Even if I want to go back to being a "normal working person" I doubt I can anymore. But for some reason, even with the hardships, health dangers and lack of support, I still believed it was all worth it.
But now I get it... and believe me... I'm not a believer anymore. I realize I don't owe the world anything, and I never did. My sense of duty to my country was drilled into me by my Army father, but even he got a paycheck every month from the U.S. government and a LOT of respect for his work. I not only don't get paid regularly, I am constantly disrespected for my efforts.
I am beyond certain that not one of the people rudely complaining about the status of the ACL has given up anything near what I have, and they never would. What kind of person would demand I stop trying to make money now and get back to work on the site because THEY need it? What kind of person thinks they can insult me into being a slave? How many of the people who "need" the ACL would be willing to work on it in a tent in Alaska with no teeth, no car, no plumbing, no fuel, no money, no food, under constant harassment, just so I could use it?
This does not mean the ACL will never go back online. But the ACL website is NOT my number one priority anymore, and it never will be again. I'll work on it after I get what I need just to live, and no, I don't expect to make it off 2020 book sales... we'd starve for sure waiting for that. The new book edition is for the small number of people who put value on our research.
"Nothing ain't worth nothing...but it's free."